put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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