i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
