somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
