Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
