dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
