I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize