OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
