then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
