i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
