woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize