Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
