need another drink. this is the easiest way
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
