The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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