what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Who died my cat blue again?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
