if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
