I've blown a few things in my day
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
