so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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