You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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