I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
