i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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