my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
