oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
