See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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