did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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