the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
