I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
