if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
