I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When are your genitals available?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
