i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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