you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize