i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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