I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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