Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
