I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
