OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
