Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
