I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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