is your mom at the bar?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
