He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
