He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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