So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
