hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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