there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
