he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
