Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
