turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
