she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
