I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
there was a trapeze. enough said
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
