your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
