I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
