Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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