Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
