No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Blood and glitter go together right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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