If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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