I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
