i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
