I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
