My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
