I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
