Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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