I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
only you would photoshop your dick
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
