party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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