Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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