he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
