Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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